I haven't watched porn in 2 years, here's why:

Like most pre-teens, the first time I saw porn I was with a group of friends- in awe of what was on the screen in front of us, I laughed nervously to conceal my deep sense of fear, and deeper sense of excitement. As my budding sexual self began to bloom, I started to explore the deep dark web on my own accord. I absorbed what I saw and eventually it wasn’t scary or exciting, it was just normal. See reader? Here’s where the trouble comes in.

I grew up in a typical middle-upper middle class suburban area where-shocker!- sexual education preached abstinence. What I remember most from health class was flirting with my crush. Secondarily, I can label my own internal anatomy and was filled with fear around stis. Was pleasure mentioned? Nope. The clitoris? Of course not! Consent? Haha, good try. So where did my robust learning take place? Pornhub. *deep sigh*

Porn, my problematic professor

Don’t get me wrong, I am not anti-porn nor shaming anyone who uses it, it definitely has its perks! But, my worry comes in when it is the sole teacher- because some of the lessons are disturbing at best and criminal at worst. Here’s what Pornhub taught me:

#1: There is no communicating in sex! p.s. see how this doesn’t bode well for consent?

#2: Women cum from penetration alone! (a.k.a. why I thought I couldn’t orgasm with men, even though I knew how to do it myself. translation: none of them went down on me)

#3: Objectification, fetishization, and infantilization are normal, nay, encouraged! (i.e. big ass, Asian, teen, etc.)

#4: Violence is hot! (choking, slapping, degradation)

#5: Sex is about male pleasure. (when does the video end?)

So, not amazing lessons + no porn literacy= a lot of confusion, shame, and self objectification. As I was developing sexually and mentally, my likes and turn ons were all informed by porn, not to mention how extremely performative I became when I did have sex. Self pleasure became a routine, something to do when I was bored-and often, after the fact, I felt dirty and shameful- how could I get off to something so perverse? This dance continued on and on. After years of performative sex, not orgasming with partners, and experiencing coercion- I decided to quit cold turkey.

Getting back into my body

I needed to reevaluate for myself what I liked and did not like. Decipher whether a turn on was an actual kink or a learned behavior from many formative years on the internet. Have experiences where I was not consumed with comparing myself to what was on the screen in front of me, but rather actually in my own body. Connect to mindful masterbation. Make self pleasure a bit more special, more safe. I am definitely still figuring all of this stuff out for myself and actively trying to re condition my brain and body to not normalize violence and not act like a porn star. The journey is tough, but ultimately it is a gift to be able to connect with myself in a way that feels better and more authentic for me.

If you’ve ever felt this way about porn, I implore you to explore your relationship to it. Could you try achieving pleasure without it? Give a go at audio or erotica? I do ask that you do some research on porn literacy and take away one very important thing from this extremely revealing article: porn is not real sex, it’s not a handbook. As I once read, “you wouldn’t learn how to drive from Fast and Furious, you can’t learn how to have sex from porn.” The people in porn have scripts, conversations off camera, are cast specifically for their genitals, and do other movie magic that is not realistic to sex irl. Take porn with a grain of salt and know you need to communicate consent with your partners at every stage of a hookup. Also! Do some research on your porn to see if it is ethically made (little tip: Pornhub is largely not). Orgasm responsibly :)Welcome to your blog post. Use this space to connect with your readers and potential customers in a way that’s current and interesting. Think of it as an ongoing conversation where you can share updates about business, trends, news, and more.